ALAN CARLTON
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An old lady goes to the dentist

13/5/2016

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​Some mornings unfold better than expected. Your patients are interesting people you’d prefer to chat with. They think that they have difficult problems but I know (I’m not telling them) that they have simple routine problems.  They think I am a great dentist: I feel like a great dentist.  We are running a few minutes late but the next patient can wait.  Jessica has a new joke:
 
An old lady goes to the dentist.  She walks into the surgery and greets the dentist.  He greets her and then puts on a pair of rubber gloves.  She stares at his hands.  He says, “These gloves come from overseas. I’ll tell you how they make them. They boil up a huge vat of latex.  The workers come along and stick their hands into the molten latex.  They then take their hands out of the vat and wave them around until the latex dries. They then peel the gloves off and pack them in boxes.”
 
The old lady says nothing. No response apart from a blank look.  The dentist sighs and commences drilling.  Half way through filling the tooth, the lady suddenly bursts out laughing.
 
The dentist stops drilling and asks, “What’s so funny?”
 
She says,” I’ve just realised how they make condoms.”
 
We laugh out loud and are abruptly interrupted by Beryl ushering in a new patient.  We both suddenly stop laughing, and guiltily glance towards each other and then simultaneously greet the patient. The patient speaks first with a firm admonishing “Good morning”
 
She is forty four years old, five foot two, weighs 75 kgs, wears stockings, her hair is big, an unnatural ochre colour, soft, fluffy and contains product that helps retain it’s shape, eyebrows darkened, the usual lipstick (it won’t come off ), wears prescription glasses with no frame, works for the Department of Health as a manager dealing with clients who have rights and responsibilities and can at times be fractious, deals with staff ‘you just have to treat them right’, carries some of her work in a brief case which rests upon her abdomen, has just applied for a new position in a different part of the same department, not on more money but the experience would look good on her CV, legs crossed at the ankles with knees slightly apart, wearing a skirt and top with matching  jacket embellished with a silver brooch of an animal  (could be a tiger).
 
She seats herself without looking at the chair or wiggling backwards, then looks around the room, glances over her left shoulder at the bench tops and stares at Beryl who is placing some clean instruments in the drawers, continues her visual tour of the room, stares through me to the bench (and the pile of cards hereon), looks at the computer screen attached to the dental chair.
 
And then she says (more talking to herself than anybody else),” I think I’m in the wrong place.  I’d better go.”
And then she pauses (now that she has our attention) and waits very deliberately and says, “Sorry.”
 
By the time she has said this, she has levered herself from the chair and is moving irreversibly.  She has tightened her grip on her briefcase and is looking past the door, not looking at anybody or anything and not waiting for us to say anything. Just going. And now she has gone and the room is empty.
 
Jessica and I look at the cavernous space in the middle of the room.
Jessica shrugs her eyebrows and sarcastically says,” Do I clean the chair?”
I don’t care. I’m going to have a cup of tea and I reply by using that word, that word that signals the end of the conversation, that word that pretends I don’t care, that word that is taking over the world, the word affecting insouciance, the word that means don’t stress me out, that word that irritates me whenever I hear it, the word I use subconsciously fifty times a day, “Whatever.”
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    Author

    This blog is the fictional story of a dentist.  The dentist  works with Jessica and Beryl in a town a lot like Hobart.   The blog tells the story of what these people get up to and the work that they do.  If you feel that you recognize yourself in one of the stories please remember it is fictional and the characters and stories are all fictional. Though  all the stories are based on my time as a dentist in Hobart and  are based on things which actually did happen.  
    ​Writing these stories I often had to think about what is true and what is fictional.

    Categories

    All
    A Day In The Life
    An Old Lady Goes To The Dentist
    A Small Sad Lonely Death Notice
    A Teenage Girl Anxious And Stressed
    Back In Control
    Black Sheep
    Cementing A Single Veneer
    Dear Alan


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  • Home
  • Photos
    • photos >
      • All Saints Church
      • Anglesea Barracks
      • Art Mob
      • Boer War
      • Botanical Gardens
      • Brooke Street Pier
      • Brunswick Hotel
      • Campbell Street
      • Castray Esplanade
      • Cenotaph
      • Constitution Dock
      • St David's Cathedral
    • photos >
      • St David's Park
      • Elizabeth St Mall
      • Elizabeth St Pier
      • Franklin Square
      • Hadley's Hotel
      • Hobart GPO
      • Hobart Congregational Church
      • Hobart Rivulet
      • Hobart Town Hall
      • Holy Trinity Church
      • Heading South Sculpture
      • Hutchins Old School
    • photos >
      • Kunanyi / Mt Wellington
      • MacQuarie Street Primary School
      • Maritime Museum
      • MacQuarie Wharf
      • Parliament House
      • Penitentary
      • Railway Roundabout
      • Regatta
      • RHH
      • Royal Visits 1868 1901 1920 1927 1934
      • Royal visit 1954
      • Salamanca Place
    • photos >
      • Sydney to Hobart Yacht Race
      • Theatre Royal
      • Victoria Dock
      • Saint David's Cathedral
      • Saint David's Park
      • St George Anglican Church
    • Street art: photos >
      • Bidencope Lane
      • Criterion Collins Liverpool Streets
      • Elizabeth Street North Hobart​
      • Kemp Despard Streets
    • Streets: photos >
      • Argyle Street
      • Barrack Street
      • Bathurst Street
      • Brisbane Street
      • Brooker Highway
      • Campbell Street
      • Collins Street
    • Streets: photos >
      • Davey Street
      • Elizabeth Street
      • Goulburn Street
      • Harrington Street
      • Hunter Street
      • Liverpool Street
      • Macquarie Street
      • Murray Street
  • Places
    • Places >
      • All Saint's Church
      • Anglesea Barracks
      • Atheneum Club
      • Baha’i Centre
      • Boer War Memorial
      • Brook Street Pier
      • Brunswick Hotel
      • Boats in the docks
      • Constitution Dock
      • The Drunken Admiral
      • Franklin Square
      • Gas Works
    • Places >
      • Hadley's Hotel
      • Heading South Sculpture
      • Hobart GPO
      • Hobart Synagogue
      • Hobart Town Hall
      • Holy Trinity Church
      • Hunter Street
      • Ingle Hall
      • Old Wool Factory
      • Ordnance Stores
      • Parliament House
      • Penitentiary
      • Princes Park
    • Places >
      • Princes Wharf 1
      • Scots Memorial Church
      • Saint David's Cathedral
      • Saint David's Park
      • Saint George Anglican Church
      • St Michaels Collegiate School
      • Supreme Court
  • History
    • History >
      • Tasmanian Timeline
      • Early Tasmania
      • Mid Nineteenth Century
      • Late Nineteenth Century
      • 20th Century
      • Tasmania’s aborigines
      • Convicts
    • People >
      • John Lee Archer
      • William Bedford
      • Andrew Bent
      • Louis Bernacchi
      • James Blackburn
      • William Bunster
      • William Buckley
      • Thomas Bromfield
      • Luke Castray
      • William Champion
      • David Collins
    • People >
      • John Colvin
      • Charles Darwin
      • Governor Eadley
      • TT Flynn
      • John Franklin
      • Lady Jane Franklin
      • Charles Gaylor
      • Haig: Elizabeth and Andrew
      • Henry Jones
    • People >
      • James Kelly
      • Robert Knopwood
      • Lachlan Macquarie
      • Douglas Mawson
      • Charles McLachlan.
      • George Mure
      • Pearce: Henry and John
      • Robert Pitcairn
      • Poulett-Harris
      • Reid: Arthur and Alison
      • James Clark Ross
      • Ikey Solomon
      • Phillip Smith
      • Abel Tasman
      • Mark Twain
      • AJ White
      • Andrew and Elizabeth Haig
  • Community
    • Hobart Marathon Festival
    • Hadley's Hotel
    • history is not set in bronze
    • Wooden Boat Festival 2019
    • What do you think of Hobart?
    • Sydney to Hobart Yacht Race
    • The Mountain
  • Walking Tours
    • Dave's Walking Tour
    • The Tench Walking Tour
    • Botanical Gardens Circuit
    • ​Alfred’s feeling religious walk
    • Battery Point Sculpture Trail
    • Lachlan gets to the point
    • Street art: Luffy paints the town
  • Blog
    • healing through living
    • This website
    • about another website
    • Acknowledgement
    • Contact
  • The Full Complement
    • Alan Carlton
    • Daniel Frank
    • Paul Barrington
    • Jodi Sutton
    • Jodi Sutton talks about mistakes
    • Jodi Sutton: The phone
    • Ann Heath
    • Maddie Atkins
    • Karen Wong
    • Jo-Anne Cherry
    • Jo-Anne Cherry: Retirement
    • Errol Kilov
    • Garry Owen
    • Katherine Janney
    • Jacques Cawood
    • John Chung
  • Songs
    • Forty Years Ago
    • Tomorrow
    • Clouds in the River
    • I Woke Up
    • Hold My Hand
    • Cornelian Bay Boathouses
    • Dance on the Deck
    • Eucalyptus Globulus